I barely slept last night...somehow I left the party in a good mood, and yet found myself awake at 3am, 5am, 6.30am...I'm not sure why it hit me so hard last night, but the realization that I truly have no friends at all really started to get to me.
At my high point in NYC, I had dozens of friends. Gathered through boyfriends, mostly, but loads of acquaintances through my job at the time. I went to Fashion Week soirees, was cheek-kissed by photographers and models alike. Every couple of days a large group of us would have a picnic in Central Park, do a massive dinner out in Brooklyn, throw a cocktail party...
Then I left my job.
My BF of the time decided he was really all this time pining away to join the Gay Orgy Scene (!)...(?)
Thus I lost my cheap apartment in Brooklyn,
Thus I lost all the friends, both circles.
So here I was, finally got life on track, met someone new, but the only three holdovers were very best friends of mine that date back as far as 8th grade. They run in different circles, however, one being a magazine editor, another with a successful Wall Street job, the last with a major bank. They often get together in Book Clubs, make each other vegetarian chili, go to the symphony. They insist I hate these things (I don't; I love them.)
I haven't heard from any of them in over two months. It seems they all decided en masse that I didn't belong anymore. It's not like them to be rude, either. But what bothers me the most is a conversation I had with K once, she said, speaking of a friend from college, "Why should I continue to try and make time for someone I really don't enjoy spending time with?"...
I was always told I was such a great friend, that we'd always be involved in one anothers lives, etc, etc...and suddenly, *bang*. Never mind. Don't need you anymore.
I feel really, really hurt. Michael insists I just call them and invite them out and everything will be fine - but he doesn't know them.
I've been excommunicated.
And then, there were none.